Desperation is a Gift
In order for me to finally give up sugar and upf I had to have the gift of desperation.
Desperation is when we get to feel the terrible and unmanageable effects of our addiction. It’s the feeling of “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.” It’s what helps us make the hard changes to finally stop eating what is killing us.
I remember once, laying in bed after a sugar binge and the thought came to my mind: “I’m killing myself.” I knew it like I knew my own name. I knew it down to my soul. I was killing myself. It would be ME that was the reason for my death if I didn’t get my addiction under control.
That is a desperate feeling.
But let me tell you the problem with that desperate feeling: It doesn’t stick around. As soon as I woke up from my nap I suddenly didn’t feel so desperate! I felt okay! And suddenly sugar didn’t seem like the enemy, in fact, I could probably eat some every now and then, right?
Desperation is something that only comes when we are desperate. It only comes when we are at our lowest, whatever that might look like for each of us, individually. And when we start to feel better the desperation evaporates.
The way I stay sober around sugar and upf and even alcohol is to hang onto the gift of desperation. I love it. I nurture it. I keep it close to me. I remember it daily. Because that gift that was once given to me by God keeps me in recovery.
If you’ve ever felt desperate around sugar or food or even alcohol or drugs, hold onto that feeling. Keep it safe and preserved somewhere. Write about it and read it when you feel “okay” and maybe like you don’t have to abstain anymore.
Your story of desperation will remind you of how it feels to be out of control, sick, addicted, fat, tired, self-loathing, isolated, etc. You don’t have to experience it IRL again! Just remember and visualize it, let your desperation be the gift that keeps on giving.
I have years of journal entries holding my desperation. Whenever I feel like “I’m ready to be a normal eater!” (lol.) I open up my journal and read where that took me. I love my story of desperation! I cherish it! I keep it close so I never have to feel it again!
xoxo!
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